《曾經的閏蜜》— 鄺俊宇 Roy Kwong
收到女孩的來信，這次不是說愛情，是說友情，但距離愛情的程度不遠。她有一位很要好的朋友，她是女孩的閏蜜，數年來都親密，直到兩人要到不同的城市升學，距離也漸漸出現。
收到女孩的來信，這次不是說愛情，是說友情，但距離愛情的程度不遠。她有一位很要好的朋友，她是女孩的閏蜜，數年來都親密，直到兩人要到不同的城市升學，距離也漸漸出現。
這聽起來或有點可笑，但女孩就是這樣子的人，她佔有慾很強，很重視好朋友，甚或覺得最要好的好朋友應該只有一位。於是她很用力的維持這友誼，起初在同一城市沒大礙，但後來分開城市後，各自有不同的際遇，她的閏蜜遇見了另一位姊妹，女孩在fb常見到她與新閏蜜的近況，感覺很不是味兒。
女孩覺得她越來越冷淡，儘管女孩再用力維繫，都好像捉不回當年的感覺，女孩覺得，最傷人的原來不是她愛別人，原來是發現她愛別人多於愛我。
讀完整封信，感覺都很傷感，但這又好像是必然要經歷的事情。有時候當友情親厚得像愛情，很多愛情上的問題竟也會在友情上出現，例如妳會呷她醋，妳會怕失去她，甚至捲入了難以放手的局面，但這會是健康的友情嗎？當然不，在成長裡，我們得要學習放手和捉緊，有一些放手是必需的，她會有她的際遇，也應該要有她將要進入的未來。這過程裡，她會遇見的新的人、新的事，而作為曾經閏蜜的妳，要學習祝福她，因為換作是妳，她也會一樣的祝福妳。
別讓曾親厚的友情，出現如愛情的難堪，成長的其中一課書，是妳要學習身邊位置的人會不斷在變，這數年是她，或許下一個數年是其他人，要走進妳生命裡的人豈止數個人？學習放輕一點去面對，也同時接納新朋友，這樣子，妳才能在未來重遇曾經和妳親密過的閏蜜。
到時候，妳跟她都長大了。
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True.
Perhaps I really cannot give you what they can give you.
Perhaps they give more than what I could.
So...
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
It's time to grow up and walk away gracefully.
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JUST as I thought I finally can enjoy days without having to be on long term medicine...
THIS has to come.
No source.
No reason.
Even those blood test cannot explain anything.
And I have to continue the medicine indefinitely, at least for now.
Coming to three months.
That day she was commenting about how the client complained of "having been through a lot" like he is the only one who suffered.
Sometimes I feel that she doesn't understand how it is to be sick all the time if not most of the time, having to need to go for frequent follow up, taking tablets that are of the ultra-normal size, it is actually very tiring despite of it being just a simple "swallowing job".
Much like how she mocked at me for falling sick frequently over the past year, she will never get it, having the conjunctivitis for that few weeks didn't give her the idea how the patient could have felt while she was like pulling long faces, throwing her temper around like how others deserved to be treated like that when she was unwell. She might think that she is just kidding but she wasn't aware how damaging her kind of "joke" could have been.
Anyway, I don't need her understanding to live on, I would seriously rather she leave me out of her life, I would probably feel safer instead of having to constantly watch my back. Yup, I know she has been talking behind my back, someone has confirmed that, and I also know that she has been "speaking on my behalf" without even letting the message to get to me, it happened when she accidentally texted me something that was meant for the others claiming that I said it which obviously I didn't. The only reason why I didn't pursue the matter was because those group of people is not very significant.
It's very unhealthy and mind draining seriously, but I have to press on.
Sigh.
