Sunday, May 31, 2009
貪嗔癡Went KTV with Xian yesterday and I sang this following song and Xian was like saying that the words in the lyrics is very "strong" and very true.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
貪嗔癡
作曲：張家誠｜填詞：林夕｜編曲：王雙駿｜監製：王雙駿
你好嗎 是否只因太愛她 便要自殘好年華
你怕她 告別你 怎可威脅他
你愛他 怎麼相戀你懂嗎 愉快後原有代價
想逼他回頭 更顯得你可怕
＊何必想 一起兩敗與俱傷
要勉強留下是一尊蠟像
何必想 想他去內疚一生
憑狂迷被銘記並沒有獎
傻到令人憤怒 情感怎去追討
一失去便惹事何其恐佈
你繼續淪落也為了他 以後難做
最初的深愛 晚節都不保
傻到自尋血路 連青春也虛耗
假使這是愛 人類愛心都不過值兩毫
同情博得修好這企圖 未免太古老＊
你愛他 便該親手放開他 大報復還有用嗎
假使他無情 才不因你驚訝
Repeat ＊
是愛太少 還是太多 誓與他彼此折磨
實在難過 來問你被遺棄世上你可算第幾個
傻到令人憤怒 情感怎去追討
一失去便惹事何其恐佈
你繼續淪落也為了他以後難做
與心魔起舞像 踏進天牢
傻到自尋血路 貪嗔癡也得到
假使這是愛 人類愛心都不過值兩毫
情人要分手怎起訴 難受對姊妹最多哭訴
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
What do you think?
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [8:11 PM]
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Of LateHave been kinda busy the past week.
Busy as in after work have been going out to meet up with friends.
It is just kinda weird in a way because now I am "working" office hours and it is kinda tiring after work unlike when I work 3/4 days when I have a lot of off days, and for the past 2 weeks I have been trying to meet up with friends and I am like super tired during lesson time in the day?
Haiz.
May be it is just perception, that when I have more day off I usually spend it alone in the gym, and when I am so tired and stuff I would get a lot of appointments.
-Sigh-
So much things to do, I still have a stack of notes to study before next week and notes in lesson to compile, I need to settle it over this weekend and so...
I can't go to the gym this week le lor.
Haiz.
Still, I am happy to have catch up with some people who I really wanted to meet up with, like Ah Xian, like Silin, like Huda and Shida and gang, though I am really like half asleep at times.
=p
I am still waiting for our postings to be out, really wonder when would it be, they said it was supposed to be Friday but in the end there is some kinks somewhere that it was not in time to come out. It is making me feeling more anxious than ever as I really wonder whether would I be able to handle the workload should I be posted to the wards; or if I am ever so unlucky to be posted to OT would I be able to recall what I was taught like 4 and a half years ago?
Oh dear~
Some pictures taken in class by the way. =)
This is the stock I have just to keep myself awake during the long and dry lectures.
We were having this class that we are suppose to take the insulin syringe to jab ourselves at the tummy, just to have a feel of how patients feel when they have to rely on insulin for life.
It was a scary experience, there is this psychological barrier you have to break before you can inject that thing into your own tummy.
My syringe, I have always been a needle phobic, ask Nadiah and Mac they would tell you what happened in class that very year. Sickening Nadiah.
A super antique blood glucose monitor, doubtful reliability of the results. Kinda complicated to use as compare to the Optium meter that I am very used to using, and bigger drop of blood is needed as compare.
The horrible lancet that left a hole in my finger...
Met up with Kian before she goes for good.
And together with Silin whom I have not been seeing for quite a long while de.
Together with Meimei we say farewell to EK Ho who is leaving for Auzzie to work there...
Yawnz.
Sleepy dez.
I need to hit my sack now...
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.beaNie 豆豆 again at [11:54 PM]
Monday, May 25, 2009
WeekendI just can't get used to office hours I guess?
Had been too seasoned to having shift work and irregular sleeping time, 6 days straight of no off and having to wake up at 5 plus in the morning is killing me soon. It adds more pain when you have to work like everyone on weekdays and off like everyone on weekends and squeeze with everyone who is having their day off anywhere and everywhere.
Lol.
Xian said I am just weird.
May be?
But at least shift work I am not necessarily off on weekend whereby there are people everywhere and you could hardly move!
Anyway despite so I had a very nice weekend hanging out with the girls from where I was previously working, and they have got a surprise for me.
=)
Thanks babes, for being around and willing to stick around with me even at my most difficult times. I am wearing those earrings to work now, as for the chain, because the chain is too short and my new place is kinda strict on this so I could only wear it over the weekend. =)
Went to chill out at this place just outside Wisma with some friends over the weekend. Music was nice, just that it is super HOT given the type of weather in Singapore now. It would be perfect if the weather is cooler.
My drink that my friends said should be nice to drink. Forgot the name de but my brother said it's whisky sprite.
My friends' drink, they decided that the preferred beer.
And as we are enjoying ourselves chatting and stuff, suddenly someone just decided to give us a treat, we have totally no clue on who is the one who gave the treat. But...This is kinda nice to drink with the lemon slice to suck after the drink. =)
Just as we decided to get the check and go, the waiter again brought us another 3 glasses of drinks but refused to tell us who gave the treat! My friend took a sip and told me it tasted like some Vodka drinks. Decided not to touch it for safe sake, I don't wanna carry a whole body of rashes for another week again. =p
Enjoyed myself a lot but too bad, weekend is ALWAYS short for people who worked office hours. -Sigh- Shall drag them out for another round soon. Hee.
Cham le. Becoming like drunkard. =p
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.beaNie 豆豆 again at [6:01 PM]
Friday, May 22, 2009
Be StrongIf I myself don't believe in it, who would?
Be strong.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [12:59 AM]
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
DemoralizedI am getting more and more demoralized as days goes by.
Too many people are telling me how horrible a place that I am going to work at, how bad a choice I have made and they have described it in a way that it is worse than hell.
I know.
Working in the ward is never easy.
But...
I just wanna try.
As when I felt totally flat after meeting up with my primary school classmates Ailing and Wen Shan tonight for dinner (Ailing has been working in where I just joined since like a year or so ago); I saw this...
*Taken from
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/cwwany/16876933*
True la.
I have decided to walk out of that place, I should have more faith.
Feeling so shameful also for the lecture I had this morning, the questions shot by the educator, so many of them I can't answer or I just give the wrong choice! Compare to a new graduate, I think I'd better to dig a hole to bury myself.
=(
And I just can't help but I do miss those days in KKH, somehow.
Those code blues though I always grumble, but at least I more or less have some clues on what to do, unlike now...
I hate to feel so loss and helpless.
Somehow, I also start to miss the time when I mess around in the unit talking nonsense with KK, so I messaged her at the time when I was about to fall asleep in one of the lectures =p, just a way to keep myself awake in those long boring one.
Ah yeah.
Finally someone is sitting next to me today, yesterday I was so left out, I sat in the lecture alone the whole day as if there is some kinda ghost or monster that is next to me.
Wait I load the pictures up...
I strongly believes that there is some spirits which all others but me can see them, if not why is it that no one is taking the whole bench next to me?
I told Haohao that the tables reminds me of those in YJC. Seriously, I thought there shouldn't be any lecture hall as "lok cok" as YJC, and there is goes.
The white wooden table makes me feel so tempted to do something I used to do in lectures in JC---Use pencil and start to draw cartooons on it. Anyway can be rubbed off later without a trace left. Hiak Hiak...
Is it kinda obvious that I am really really bored? I started to entertain myself with my phone. Besides messaging KK, Kian and Haohao I started to take pictures of myself...
Haiz.
Did I make a wrong choice?
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [11:03 PM]
Monday, May 18, 2009
假如讓我說下去假如讓我說下去
作詞：林夕 作曲：于逸堯＠人山人海 編曲：于逸堯＠人山人海
任我想 我最多想一覺睡去
期待你 也至少勸我別勞累
但我把 談情的氣力轉贈誰
跟你電話之中講再會 再會誰
暴雨天 我至少想講掛念你
然後你 你最多會笑著迴避
避到底 明明不筋竭都力疲
就當我還未放鬆自己
我想哭 你可不可以暫時別要睡
陪著我 像最初相識我當時未怕累
但如果 但如果說下去 或者
傻得我 彼此怎能愛下去
暴雨中 我到底怎麼要害怕
難道你 無颱風會決定留下
但我想 如樓底這夜倒下來
就算臨別亦有通電話
我怕死 你可不可以暫時別要睡
陪著我 讓我可以不靠安眠藥進睡
但如果 但如果說下去
亦無非逼你壹句話 如今跟某位同居
我的天 你可不可以暫時讓我睡
忘掉愛 尚有多少工作失眠亦有罪
但如果 但如果怨下去 或者
傻得我 通宵找誰接下去
離開 不應再打攪愛人 對不對
*****************************************************
Old song, but I just love it.
Anyway, am trying to stay away from facebook for a while, reckon that I have been a lil' too addicted, as in when I turn on my computer, the first site that I always click on it the quicklink to facebook, which I don't think it is too healthy. Hmm...
Yesterday was kinda uncomfortable, today is slightly better, and tomorrow I am going to start work so probably won't get too stuck till I get home.
So long as I can get past today not touching that site.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [1:48 PM]
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Shred the Stress...I think...
Workout is good, it really helps a lot in de-stressing.
Has been feeling kinda blue and vex lately, to the extent that I don't even wanna do anything at all. I was like kinda reluctant to pack my bag this afternoon to go to the gym after late lunch with my parents at first, but I am glad I talked myself to do it.
I feel SO MUCH better after running on the treadmill, just feel more relieve somehow.
-Sigh-
Though now, I still just wanna...
Haiz.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [11:37 PM]
Saturday, May 16, 2009
ClosureThis week is a week of change for me.
First, Papa has finally found a new job after his company closed down due to bad economy.
Second, I have finally signed my contract with my new company and will be moving over next week.
Third, this would mean that my work with my current company has finally ended, after 4 long years.
4 years, not a short period of time.
A place filled with much memories.
A place that has groomed me, from an ignorant student, to someone who can finally stand alone to work.
From someone who can't even handle her work well, to someone who can finally guide the juniors and new comers on work procedures.
It is, to me, a big step, a long journey.
Moment of joy, moment of finding my dream, moment of sadness, moment of stress...
Everything...
I have never realized that this place has given me so much.
Until today when I look back...
It has not been a smooth journey, but I guess it is the same everywhere.
I am just glad, along this rockey path, I have met nice people who are willing to walk with me, cheer me on when I hit my low.
Kim Nai.
Nana.
Silin.
Jiahui.
Esther.
Jennifer.
Ah Ma.
Chong.
Huda.
Shida.
Cassie.
Sister Yeo.
Poh Chin.
Kor Kwan.
And many more...
Everyone I met, is a valuable lesson to learn.
It's a place that have taught me life lessons, sometimes the hard way, but I grow in them.
This book, has finally ended.
And a new series is beginning.................
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [10:43 AM]
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
KIV Last Shift, Yet Still...Work with my 2 best friend on the 2 extreme last night.
What does that mean?
Hee. Was quite looking forward to work last night because my friend KK is on call, her last call le so I actually prepared something to give to her to thank her for what she has given me during her posting.
On the other hand, I was not so looking forward to it because another one who is oncall is none other than my "high rate of code blue" doctor, Dr Sean.
Since this was supposely to be my last day, IF I am really crossing over on Monday, I was really hoping for a good end with him, at least, for once.
Too bad.
Hope was shattered yet again, I was eating inside the tearoom, my MacDonald burger and just as I stuffed the last bit of the bread part into my mouth...
CODE BLUE at 3 plus am.
LIKE, AGAIN.
Dr Sean said this morning, "it never fails (to happen) to be with you."
I told Haohao about it, she was like saying "it is weirdly funny" and suggest that I should give Dr Sean a bar of soap as a departure gift.
Haahahahaaahaaa.......
She was kinda mean but it is FUNNY!
Imagine his face if I really give him that.
Muahaha....
Now I am tempted to get him one.
Hahahahahahahaaaaa.............
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.beaNie 豆豆 again at [9:43 PM]
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Transfer On the GoGot a call yesterday when I was outside informing me that the suspension of inter-hospital movement of staff has been lifted and they are trying to haste up everything so that I could report to work next Monday.
Though already mentally prepared, still feeling kinda lost and I guess this is all the same, I am a lil' skeptical about my request for transfer now.
Talked to Silin about this last night and she said she can understand how I feel, I bet she was having the same feeling when she transferred from inpatient pharmacy to the oncology pharmacy last time.
All those lil' questions would start surfacing...
"Did I make a correct choice?"
"Is this a good move?"
I do wonder.
But I know, if I want to specialize in what I wanted to do all along, this is one of the better way to do it.
And I just hope that I can do it.
And also, pray hard that they don't put me in the clinic?
Don't know why, I think for now at this moment, I still prefer to work in the wards, despite of people telling me about clinic is good, office hours and staff, I just somehow prefer to have shift work.
May be I am the type that cannot take mandantory work.
That is why I choose this line, I hated office work 9-5, sit in the chair facing the computer.
Lol.
It is also good that now I do not have any commitment or a family to take care, so shift work still sounds more appealing to me. =p
Anyway, the news came so sudden and if they can really make everything done by the end of this week then...
Today, tonight, would be my last night, my last day working in my current hospital, since they still owe me a day off and a public holiday off.
Scary huh?
Came without warning.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [4:45 PM]
Monday, May 11, 2009
KIV Last DayGoing or not going?
Last day or not last day?
Such a sudden decision.
And...
I am so confused.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [11:44 PM]
Friday, May 08, 2009
Just Another Day, With My "Best Friend"---Sigh.Once is by accident; twice is coincidence...
but when all these is repeating so often...
It is NOT FUN.
Haiz.
Shared on facebook yesterday that I was being called back to work today to stand by for the audit the upper level is conducting and has that landed me in having to work when my "best friend" is on call.
And bet I don't really need to go on longer.
My peace ended at 0940hrs this morning.
Well, wonder if Dr Sean would be delighted to know that I am leaving soon, he can find himself some peace? KK said Dr Sean said I am trying to avoid him, lol, seriously, who would like to be point at and called a jinx all the time? If by changing the duty roster can give him some peace, then at least I can try ma.
Lol.
Imagine we are like kids in the lift with the patient inside, both pointing at each other and exclaimed "
IT WAS YOU!
"
Li Hua and Dr Geraldine were like
Xuelian was like telling me not to think about it anymore, ya, true, sian liaoz.
Still feeling 无奈and 哭笑不得, the emotion that I have been in most of the time.
苦中作乐is the only ailment I do
.
Like...
Laughing hard at how Priya wear the N95 upside down without feeling awkward
?
Jesting about the different material of the protective gown to represent different style, as in the better ones are original goods which even though it is hot but it is definitely liquid proof, and the other thinner one must be pirated; and one of my colleagues is wearing something especially thin and that one must have been pirated and being washed for 100 times
?
Must get a good reason to laugh.
Oh yeah, and how my dear KK dare to write on the visitor log that her purpose of visit is to "chit chat".
It was hilarious
!
I can't imagine the expressions on my boss' face when she sees that
, lol!
I think I will definitely miss her when she is gone which is really soon
!
Kinda sad about it but on the other hand, this may mean that I could probably get my transfer soon as well?
Remember once I told Jiahui (or is it Silin) that I always feel very happy when they (familiar faces) prop by to see patients and I would somehow just feel like I am in jail and they are here to pay me a visit
. Lol.
Saw quite a number of familiar faces today, I probably have been stuck in the department for too long, since morning I went for the flu jab and saw Ms Lim and all; then it was one of the physio that I have not seen for a long long time and all my JC schoolmates who are currently working in the scanning department Joycern who came to do X-Ray, Ke Xin (thanks for the waffle!) and Serena who did the MRI for the same patient...
Like a time for me to say goodbye
?
Labels: Yoci at http://www.yoyocici.com
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.beaNie 豆豆 again at [9:01 PM]
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Change is the Only Constant in the WorldWent out with this girl who do not wish to be named the other day and we haven't seen each other or at the very least in close contact for like almost 4 years.
Updating about her life and stuff, I was giving her some opinions as she asked.
And then she exclaimed, "What happened to you Fione? You have changed SO MUCH!"
Have I?
May be.
In her eyes, I am becoming more and more like "leave it to the fate" to decide. Seriously speaking, if we have tried our best in something and we know, no matter what the end result is, you know you won't regret.
And there is a lot of things that we cannot control in this world, if you wanna control everything, ultimately you are the one who would suffer.
Why do you have to make your life so difficult?
That is what I told her.
Well, at least, I think I am happier that way.
That is what matters more right?
=)
What can I say?
Change, is the only constant in the world.
Lol.
Anyway, my new toy from my boss.
What is this???????
Slowly unwrapping....* Sounded like really so INTERESTING*
TA-DAH!!!!!
My very own personal set of goggles especially for isloation cases and invasive procedures, to tide me over the swine flu battle!
I look super sian in it.
Why?
Because it keep pushing my mask downwards and pressing onto my already very flat nose. Super uncomfortable!
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [8:52 AM]
Monday, May 04, 2009
Therapeutic MJ SessionI think at times mahjong can be kinda therapeutic, despite of having to use the brain and it actually kill quite a lot of brain cells.
Was at Xian's house for some unfinished MJ game since a couple of years ago. It was unfinished because after they set up everything and wanted to start, I puked.
And the whole gang of them have to rush me into the A&E because besides puking I was having diarrhea as well.
Heh.
I could hardly cut the birthday cake after that.
=p
Anyway, I just realized that these people must have been gambling on their own all the time. Lol.
They know the rules SO WELL!
Imagine when we were at secondary school we were just playing without much rules as we were all beginners, now they know how to count the winnings, what are the more specific rules to win the game...
Ok.
May be I am the one who never go and study all these, as in I am the 不长进 one lor.
Lol.
Some pictures on that day....
Xian is happy being the biggest winner of the day....
My one and only winning, but it is the biggest winning of the day with Ah Joo having to pay me 32 chips, Xian and Cat each 16...
Someone is pregnant without telling us just walk in with a big tummy. The best part is that Xian and Cat didn't notice until she stand up.
Me?
I saw it right at the moment she step into the house, but she didn't say anything so I didn't ask also.
And I thought Ah Xian knows so I just keep quiet lo.
He was not happy for losing the game and we actually asked him to treat us to dinner (Of course we paid our share at the end, just teasing him only).
=p
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [1:14 PM]
Sunday, May 03, 2009
My Phone is a Corpse When I am at WorkAye ya.
Was being said by my senior this morning when my phone suddenly goes off in my pocket.
She was quite harsh as in right in front of the patient she said "can you answer the call later or not!"when I walked out of the curtain wanting to silence the phone.
The problem is, it was not a phone call, it was the music player that I accidentally turned on when I was leaning towards the patient's bed. If I don't walk out of the curtain take off my gloves and switch it off, the music would go on and on.
I just talk back to her as in telling her that I am NOT answering phone call and that music was not even my ringtone!
Haiz.
One thing about me when I am working is that I don't switch on ringer for my mobile, NOT even vibrator because to me, they are a form of distraction, I need 100% focus at work and I can't afford to have something making the vibration sound in my pocket when I am talking to my patients.
I don't answer phone call in front of patients also as I was told that this is very unprofessional. I am not like those specialized nurses or doctors that would need to answer phone calls as they are being called every now and then to review patients at different locations, so rather than let the phone ring and vibrate and distract me, I might as well just silence it totally!
That was why also when that year Cousin and my family was calling me so many times to inform me about my uncle, I missed the last chance to see him at the other hospital's A&E. I only came to know about it when I was lost at the day surgery to pick up a case and then I realized there was so many missed calls and SMSes then I know something bad happened and I felt so bad about it, so for a period of time after that I left my phone's vibration on till I feel I get too distracted again I stopped and I just gave my brother my department's phone number.
Too bad my colleague probably didn't noticed that for so many months working with her never at all I have picked up my handphone in front of patients, not even SMS-es.
Haiz.
What to do?
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [9:20 PM]
Friday, May 01, 2009
Orange AlertOrange alert.
Like...
If I am not in the hospital, life is actually pretty much the same out on the streets.
Well seriously speaking, being away from workplace for like 3 days and before that it was only green alert, I was literally LOST in the company that I have worked for for almost 4 years, having no idea on which route I could take to get to my department.
Why?
There are barriers set up here and there, sign in boards and people are hogging at the place, I was not sure whether I need to sign in at that entrance point or I could just walk in straight, and there was no one available to direct me on where to go.
So, since no one stopped me, I walked straight in and realized that I need to use my access card even at the door which is usually opened.
It was sure confusing because I don't report in to the hospital daily and I only work like 7 days in 2 weeks?
Anyway.
Last night was a busy night, busy updating myself with the whole stack of information came about these 3 days, changes, changes and changes.
Every minute something new could just come about and we need to know everything we need to know.
*Stress*
And for the latest, tentatively I do not need to wear uniform at work, instead we will be in scrub suit. Beside the OT posting that I had at CGH like almost 5 years ago, I have never ever been in scrubs before, so I was looking here and that for the size that I should wear.
Kinda comfortable though, and it was like kinda amazing that I could fit into a "S" size top (My head was a bit stuck, didn't expect my head THAT big) but I need a "M" size bottom so I won't look like some "farmer", lol.
Especially when you are already half suffocating when you are behind the N95.
Yeah, the N95, I was wearing it for like less than an hour jumping around settling the new case and under that mask it was like a "mini-waterfall"...
YUCKS!
I was perspiring all the way as it was simply so HOT
!
I could hardly talk because the moment I open my mouth all the perspiration is dripping into my mouth!!!!!!!
ERKS!
But what to do?
I was telling Guan, I would probably be presenting some of the symptoms of the Swine, shortless of breathe as well as dizziness, if I have to be in that for like straight 12 hours.
Lol.
Oh yeah.
I can understand the full meaning of what is call "一波三折".
My transfer to SGH has to be postpone indefinitely due to this flu thingy, and I guess I could only see some "light" when the alert level is back to green, which no one can foresee when.
-Sigh-
What to do?
Safety still comes first, may be it is all designated though.
By the way, last night Dr Sean was on call and you know the end story, the whole night I keep hearing him walking in and out of his room, the rate was so much higher as compare to the others that I worked with.
The first line he asked me at 1900hrs when he saw me was "you are not on now right?" with his trying to pray hard tone.
I feel so sorry
for shattering his hope and have to tell him "yes".
And...
The poor team was so busy that we heard it from Dr Angela this morning.
My sympathy
, but...
There is really nothing I can do.
I don't dare to anyhow touch the roster though I very much wanted to, if it does really help in giving them a better shift.
And...
If there is no changes, this man will be on with me again say next Friday?
I guess all that I could do...
is to wish him good luck.
Sorry
~
I think...
He is gonna hate to see me at work very soon if this continue to happen.
Sigh
.
Me and Guan in scrubs.
Me waiting for patient.
Tonnes of messages to read over the past 3 days of events.
Information to digest and absorb over the whole night regarding protocols and changes as I was still in my first year of nursing school during SARS period, so many things I need to know!!!!!
Geared up in m drager mask to wait for case to come, almost suffocated.
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it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [10:01 AM]
