Have been having constant headaches lately, well, at least I do not remember of having to take panadol 2 times in a single week because the pain was so bad.
Snowballing.
Clueless still.
A lot of struggle and contemplation.
Should I just follow my heart even I know the probable price for it?
Tempted.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
以前，一個女人很想和老公一起去旅遊，安排了許久，老公永遠都沒有空，從此以後，她的旅程裡，不再需要老公。
AntennaSometimes I also don't know if it is good to know more, I don't want to use the word "so much" because I might only know a tip of the iceberg...
Haiz.
What should I do?
I sat in for a family conference the other day, it has been really long since I last sat in for one. This was a very last minute conference mainly because of a kinda drastic deterioration of the status of the patient.
It was of course not good news, the person was only left with a 20% chance of survival in this stay.
Personally, this is a very painful moment for the family, especially the one who understand the language and the fact that it has to be translated to the other members of the family. It took me quite a bit to clarify the translation by the other family members and to deliver the point straight to them. It is just hard to maintain calm to be able to do a perfect translation to the rest. That morning itself I had another encounter with that particular member and I find that the person with a strong pre-concept (which is wrong) on certain matters sometimes is not bringing any benefit to the patient, even though this is not the first time I encounter such issues, one could be amazed by what some wrong concept the society/media brought.
It was a day full of events, I had another round with another family who has last minute asked for terminal discharge to fulfill the patient's wish. It was tough and messy because it was not planned and a lot of things were not initiated, the girls were not familiar with the process and so I have to jump in to help with whatever I could remember of, my last one of such case was more than a year ago. I am just glad that we ultimately did make it together with the family though it was physically draining for me because I had to stay till almost 3 hours past my shift to help them to settle things and to complete my unfinished work that I was supposed to do.
Anyway, all I just want to say is, it was 2 isolated events, so similar yet so different; and I feel for both the family, having to come to know about the bad news whilst the other has to come to terms to it and focus on what the patient ultimately wants. It is hard but they had gracefully tried to let it go, doing some justice to the ill one and let the one be happy.
Hmm...
Quality to the days of life instead of the quantity?
What if I am caught in such situation? Will I still manage to maintain that sanity to decide? I also don't know which is better? Being given a choice or none at all (that 20% chance if to go for it)?
In fact, I have always think and feel that...
Since birth we are all walking to the grave, nobody lives forever, so quality to me, has been the priority. No doubt that sometimes, there are certain things we still have got to compromise due to the social norms as we are not living alone in the cave; but ultimately I will try to make myself feel better. So in such case, will I be rational enough to give the rights to my love ones to not suffer and let go?
Just some random thoughts.
I have been strangely in need for more quiet moments alone lately though I still do meet up with people, probably minimally unless really needed and somehow I have been weirdly able to hide that one side of desire for quietness from others, A LOT of random thoughts are flowing in the head and there are some socially undesirable yearnings there. I don't know how long will this last but at this moment, I am still quite comfortable. I just hope that it doesn't grow further.
InstinctOnce shattered, it is gone.
I am finding it difficult now.
Hao once told me that I can just follow my instinct, that is how I did it.
Every single look more somehow further strengthen that faith.
Add oil.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if technology is good.
Walked in the streets today and saw some secondary school student from a neighborhood school which reminded me very much of Suzanne, someone that I have met during my 3 months course after my O levels.
And just out of randomness, I flipped through my contact list in the phone and saw her contact profile picture was still her in the whatsapp and so I texted her.
That was how memories flourished.
More than 15 years! (O.o)?!?!
Lol.
Sometimes, little things that we do for another person didn't really leave any deep impression to us, but to them, because it was the hand that you reached out to this other person in their times of need, they remember it for a longer period of time, sometimes may be, for life.
My last memory of her was the time that we actually decided to meet up a couple of years ago which I think she just came from from Aussie or something, and I don't know how somehow we just came out for a little catch up session in Paragon. It was pretty nice and...
That time Facebook has already started and I do remember that after posting something about meeting her, another classmates of ours (??? William?) actually wanted to get another round of gathering with us, which somehow just die of natural death aka didn't come true.
And somehow we just didn't arranged for another meet up even though we are both quite contented and happy with the mini gathering.
...
...
...
Sidetracked.
Anyway, as I was saying, I texted her and her replied was something about I picked her up on the road at the slope outside our school.
Lol.
I have actually forgotten about the whole incident. That was the time when school just started and I knew no one from my school, practically pretty much alone (well, now that you say, there is actually this girl by the name of May from Mayflower and this guy by the name of Sean from SJI who were like my bus partners... Lol, how people slipped off my mind, think I knew them from orientation group but we were not in the same class somehow.) Anyway, it was a day when both of them are not around walking down to the bus stop with me and I saw this girl sat in the middle of the road struggling to get up and all that I did, was just walked up, gave her a hand, pulled her up and picked up her file. (According to her she actually fell in front of me but... I didn't realized it at all, I still remember thinking about "what is this girl sitting in the middle of the road, is she alright" kind of thing).
Little do I recognized that she was actually my classmate, same class classmate (I am just bad at faces *faints*).
I only came to know about it...
When the weeks later after knowing her then I saw the same file that I picked up with her big name on the spine of the file (I recognized the person by the file?!?!), I finally realized that the person that I saw that was sitting on the ground was her, she practically *face-palm*, because it was only much later that I asked her. When she first introduced herself to me I wasn't able to link the two incidents up which was another thing that she was so amazed about.
That, was my closest friend that I have during my 3 months course.
(-___-|||).....
Ho ho ho...
Oh well.
Think I was kinda blur back then too. (=___=)........
Go one big round but all that I was thinking about was...
Certain things may be it looked really trivial to you, but it actually left an impact on another person unknowingly, probably that is why I think I need to constantly remind myself to be more careful and hopefully, leave a positive impact for people that I come across along the way. =]
Have we all known each other for too long and too much that we have forgotten how it was when we first met?
Browsing through the past when we first got to know each other, there were so many messages of care and concern, as if time spent together were never enough.
...
...
...
Got a message of "I miss you" from Cheryl from the other end of the world which kind of like a surprise, but come to think about it, whenever we don't see each other for a couple of days or if she knows that we are not in the same ground I will get messages like that. Like when I was in Hong Kong in both September and June, she did text me to ask me where did I go.
...
...
...
Most of the time, if I were to say that to you, I wonder would you behave the same reaction as what I would usually see (if I were to say that in front of you), that unwelcoming face or some words that actually hurts but I always choose to laugh it off.
Have we...
Actually took each other for granted that we have forgotten how to love each other?
Sigh.
I think, we just do not realize how much a little kind words would make someone's day a little better, how powerful words are and how much they meant to another person who took us dearly to their hearts.
I love flowers.
I love pink.
I'm dainty and dirty; not a trace.
I party till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm a girl. And a beautiful one too.
The DIVA ♥
M A R I A ( N A D I A H )
M A R I A M ( F I O N E )
The GAMBLER Sagittarius.
AND
The PERFECTIONIST Virgo.
Seemingly impossible. BUT THEY WERE THE BEST FRIENDS.
Met in a Summer in 2002.
♥ LOVES CATS ♥.
Enjoys having Pizza together.
Go Wild in a KTV.
And will LOVE each other till time ends.
WISHLIST ♥
F O R M A R I A. A DEGREE.
F O R M A R I A M. Machu Picchu.
HER AUDIENCES ♥
They applauded her and gave her a standing ovation.
