Wokay.
Now there is resentment in there.
Even Hao said that what was done was plain annoying, after she clarified how did I know it.
Never so much in life that I would want to slap someone before.
Hands are itchy.
She should be glad she is not right in front of me.
Not a big fan of minions but this was exactly how I felt.
It is JUST SO STRANGE that you seemed to be getting the same message from different places, it was so "loud" that one can't simply ignore.
I chanced upon this Pastor's sermon this morning before I get to work, it was about being with God, we could just sit back and watch what he is doing for us. The Devil will try his ways and means to move us off from our comfortable position by keep asking us what are we going to do in the situation (If you don't do it, nothing will be done).
And we should just leave ourselves comfortably in our seats, in God's rest. When you sit down, He will send the holy spirit to take action.
On typing that the above earlier this afternoon, I dozed off in the little sofa in the tearoom at work.
Sigh.
Had a very bad day today.
In fact things has been really bad ever since after CNY.
Not going to think about it anymore, I am tired.
Somehow, sometimes when I am tired, I just feel safer and more comfortable to hide into a small corner physically, any place that is small enough to just right to fit me in.
It just give me some sense of safety and security.
Missed my little corner when I was in Braddell last time suddenly.
Twin and I were on the way home and talking about it, she found out slightly later. I told her sorry that to me, I felt that respecting her choice is more important, so I cannot tell her anything about it.
Anyway.
As we were talking about it, think we are both upset with what happened.
I tried not to let myself break down. It is tough, yet...
If it is already there, is there any point in crying?
I AM UPSET.
But I told myself I have to be strong for her, to give her the support needed.
FOCUS, is what I have been telling myself.
I need to make myself stronger in order to support Techno, even though I might not be the best person to be able to help her, yet no matter how small, I felt the need to contribute to make things better, given my limited time on this.
Dear, you can do it. Give yourself a little push, you know it can be done.
Focus on your goal, do what you can.
Give more.
Let Him lead the way.
I was talking to her another day.
Another her.
She was sharing with me how one consultant commented that it could be the last festive season they have with their love ones.
It is indeed true.
We would never know when is the last festive season we have with our love ones.
Just like 3rd Uncle, little do I expect that it would be my last meal with him.
I could never forget that he seemed a little disappointed when I told him that I may not be able to do weekly meals with him and aunt anymore soon because of the change in the shift patterns that I have.
And the next day, I never have the chance again.
I did not foresee that it was my last Chinese New Year with him back then.
This goes the same as her, we might not have a next year anymore.
I used to be fretful when I have to think of all these.
This is especially so after his death, for I wasn't given a chance to bid proper farewell, until the two consecutive nights I saw him.
Now, I realized that if I were to waste all those time to live with fear, why didn't I take those time to cherish what I have with each other?
Use those time to convert to something more meaningful.
Do something to fill them as a part in my little black book.
A page to remember.
Sheila.
Veronica.
Phyllis.
Each and everyone of you, made me what I am, today.
Gave me the armor that I need to fight this battle.
=]
Silver lining.
Side track a bit.
I was speaking to someone another day.
We have come to a conclusion that having cancer, could be one of the better death.
Because as compared to cardiac arrest that came so brutal and abrupt, cancer allowed you to have time to prepare yourself, to achieve closure and bid a proper farewell with the love of your life. Process could be painful, BUT, it is a chance given after all.
Spring CleaningSpring cleaning always bring surprises.
I was trying to clear some stuff in hope to find something that I accidentally misplaced the last round when I packed my room.
Discover another stack of treasures!
A whole stack of letters that went all the way back to 1992!
Days when I was very very home sick and letters from my long time friends, people like Joanne (Tin), Lydia and Winnie. These are the letters that I would read over and over again that bring warmth to me. Though towards the end we each are busy with our lives and moving on to Internet. These are my most precious comfort. And sorry for late replies sometimes.
Subsequently letters from the local friends that I got to know here. Lol. KOH WEN SHAN! Your letters are the best! Every single pieces still cracked me up even to today! It just takes a certain level of proximity for someone to write stuff like that. Cards from other primary school friends brought back lotsa memories too!
Then found a stack of photos that I could barely recognised myself too! My dearest Xian is the funniest in that era. Not going to shame you or anything, but I seriously think that she should take a look at what she has written again. ROTFL. Thanks for your companion all these years (let's do away with the numbers). There are more than what I sent you last night! You should read and see man!
Seriously love reading letters from friends. It brings back a lot of memories that faded out with time! The feelings and the laughter shared! It is like going through the time passage again! And be surprised that I can actually still recognise some of your hand writing.
These are not just simply papers, but comes with weight, so heavy that it is better than any paper weight that left on my heart for a very long time. =]
To respect individual's preferences for privacy or to make sure that people who need to be informed are kept in the loop.
She doesn't want people to know.
From the first day I came to know I was told that she wanted to keep it low profile.
So there comes this don't know who, who came to know about it, blasting at another person who actually has no idea on what is going on, subsequently started informing everybody with the speed that is faster than any broadcasting station.
I am sorry.
No matter how much concerned you have.
I think...
You have forgotten to respect your friend's option on the issue.
Good thing is, I hope, things that I tell people, are people that I really trusted to know that they won't breathe a word to another person.
No matter how well you meant, I just cannot appreciate that kind of "effort", because you have forgotten how I felt.
Sigh.
I am still taking as that I did not know anything about it, because I still love her, as someone that I know.
Trying to make her happy as much as possible, within my means, I hope, without adding additional pressure.
I sneaked to see her today, ease my heart a little. =]
Being random.
Sometimes, I think that certain things are just fated.
If I am destined to be there at certain time, I have to be there.
Always feel very honoured, especially when I am actually given a chance to do something for others in their last lap of life to change for the better, when they are actually suffering.
Mong ever said that our job made us mature earlier, seeing how people struggle and learning what is more important in life.
I agree.
It helps you to realize and prioritise what is important, and how short life can be.
Adding to that is that chance to make a difference.
Many have wondered why is it Oncology, much have felt that Obstetric is a happier place.
To me, receiving life can be joyous, but giving something to people who needed it gave even more satisfaction.
A calling may be?
I do, however, also felt that it is exactly because WE KNOW what to expect, which is what make us having a clearer picture of what is going on, or rather, what to expect.
We, are not being pessimistic, I would rather call it being practical.
And...
Plan.
As much as I am worried and upset, it is hard to not agree with you.
We are not pessimistic.
Because we see what is coming.
We know.
And...
That has actually add to the pain when it hits.
=[
I pray for you dear.
Post note: I am, thankful that... Someone told me 「有我在。」 when I relate the incident. Thank you, honestly, you don't know how much that meant. We are, indeed the best buddy since childhood; and I am always thankful having you as someone closest in the family.
On a certain level, I think that effort still plays a part in maintaining relationships.
I mean, nothing comes free from heaven, all that they can give, is a start, a beginning for you to start with and the rest all based on your own subsequent actions on what level do you want to keep things at.
Hao ever told me that when people say that distance doesn't pull people apart is wrong. She has been through things like that and what she said it right.
When things happened, you are not by my side.
When I meet you or get to talk to you again, things are over.
That is how 2 people will drift apart.
That is also why I always try to make time for people that meant a certain level of importance to me.
In a way, the time is still in my hands, unless I really do not want to bring that relationship closer and is comfortable at that level.
There are a lot of people who took me close to their hearts, always make time and effort to arrange to meet me and asking me out, and I really appreciate that a lot. There are a lot of things that I neglect in the past for whatever reasons that was used to be there...
Nothing can start a morning better than hearing that you and baby are fine Dear.
Somehow it is a very strange relationship that we shared, whenever we are down, it would just happened that we are thinking of each other or just text each other. And I don't know how and why you could always pick up those hidden emotions since last time. You were the first that told me right into my face "No, you are not fine and what is it?". You know what I like and what I don't and you did your adjustment within your means to accommodate me as much as possible. I didn't realize it actually, until that time when we met up again after a long while then I discover this, that you really read me like a book, I do not even need to say it, you have already know what is going in my mind.
Over the past coming to 13 years, how many times that we have had like texting each other exactly the same thing at the same time? Like exchanging message of the same meaning.
Dear, I am really glad that He worked the way out for you, and I am also glad and honored that... I am the one that you thought of when you are in trouble, allowing me to be with you. Even I might not be able to do much but... 「别怕，有我在，有我陪你。」
I am glad, that I have finally come to terms and conclusion, having gained something extra in my pocket after the long chat with someone.
Thank God, for the arrangement for an impromptu date with Fad on Friday. We have only decided to meet up hours before that.
Thank you for giving me important lessons of life.
Thank you for letting me know that I worth WAY MORE than that.
Time flies~ *stretched*
I just counted today that I actually only have 4 more weeks left in the department. Really am going to miss the great team over here.
Counting down to the days of leaving as well as counting my blessings.
I am still very fortunate though out of all the misfortune.
I am sort of like planning for a Australia trip and I am really thankful that my primary school friend (Or rather kindergarten friend?) was really nice and kind that he actually offered to drive us around for 2 days.
He went to the extend that he started talking to Twin and giving suggestions on where to go. Twin was very impressed on the kind of friends that I have.
So sweet hor.
It was a strange platonic friendship, we actually lost contact for at least 10 years till I found him via the internet by chance, it was in a HK school forum and I found his ICQ number, so I just tried to contact back then and got him back.
Telling him for YEARS that I will go to Sydney one day to visit him, and this "next year" has been on-going for many years, from the time when he is single till now he is married, it was REALLY THAT LONG, I feel so bad about it. Still remember how he would come over to Singapore and would find me to go out for a meal or short meet up last time.
=]
Thank you Dennis, though you are not going to read this, I must still say....
Thank you, for what you have put in in keeping this friendship going over the years, and I am really glad that I found you back.
It is simple, but I always love and enjoy simple happiness.
I am still a lucky girl for I really have people that doted on me; people who are willing stood by my side and are always within reach.
This time, I really have to persevere, I will learn to love myself more... I know I can do it. I always know, so long as I want, I have a goal, I will succeed, because THAT, IS ME.
TsunamiTotally hated this.
This kind of time.
When everything all come back together as the loose pictures began to tie up to become a story.
One that I deliberately forgotten.
One that I would never want to recall.
I love flowers.
I love pink.
I'm dainty and dirty; not a trace.
I party till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm a girl. And a beautiful one too.
The DIVA ♥
M A R I A ( N A D I A H )
M A R I A M ( F I O N E )
The GAMBLER Sagittarius.
AND
The PERFECTIONIST Virgo.
Seemingly impossible. BUT THEY WERE THE BEST FRIENDS.
Met in a Summer in 2002.
♥ LOVES CATS ♥.
Enjoys having Pizza together.
Go Wild in a KTV.
And will LOVE each other till time ends.
WISHLIST ♥
F O R M A R I A. A DEGREE.
F O R M A R I A M. Machu Picchu.
HER AUDIENCES ♥
They applauded her and gave her a standing ovation.
