Today, marks the one month anniversary of my surgery.
Last month at this time, I was lying along the corridor of OR 2 or 5? waiting for the op to start, wondering if they will proceed or will the anaesthetist postpone again due to the cough that I was having. Wondering will that be a keloid that will grow on my face, wondering how long will the scar be, wondering what will happen and that...
And saw a man walked in with a child and my professor told me to wait for a while more because they need to "do the kid first".
The last that I saw before I was knocked out, was the clock on the wall in the OR, 1430hrs sharp.
I woke up later because of suffocation, was in pain and wanted to threw myself back into darkness but keep waking up because I felt suffocated
. It was a big struggle between wanting to sink myself into unconsciousness so that I wouldn't feel the pain and the need to breathe
. And slowly the struggle resulted in anxiety attack and I could not breathe, with severe numbness slowly extended to both of my upper limbs which later they have to give me some oxygen and did a ECG.
. It was a big struggle between wanting to sink myself into unconsciousness so that I wouldn't feel the pain and the need to breathe
. And slowly the struggle resulted in anxiety attack and I could not breathe, with severe numbness slowly extended to both of my upper limbs which later they have to give me some oxygen and did a ECG.Remember of asking people what time the op finished.
Remember of opening my eyes and I saw Mong trying to settle down next to my bed.
Remember of regaining consciousness at about 10 plus pm and found that Mong locked up my phone because she was trying to unlock it due to the messages that keep coming in and she wanted to help me to reply to those messages to those who were worried about how I was doing. (I was like
when I saw my phone being locked)
when I saw my phone being locked)Remember of the time when I cannot sleep because of the heart burn
.
.Remember of counting down alone in the room when Jasmine was messaging me showed me the cake that she was eating in the airport
.
.Remember of Trister coming to eat with me.
Remember of June coming to let me "entertained".
Remember of my baby Stella coming to see me for 2 mornings after her first night shift.
Remember of Mong dropping by daily even on her off days.
Remember of Fad and her "plaster balloon which everyone thought that it was a sausage".
Remember of CPF who came and brought me up to the ward for some cupnoodles
and some snacks as she said that people on steroids always love cup-noodles
, for some unknown reasons.
and some snacks as she said that people on steroids always love cup-noodles
, for some unknown reasons.Remember of Alice shocked my parents
when they walked in found that their daughter "the supposed to be patient" changed face because she was resting on my bed while I was away to the eye room to see Dr (
).
when they walked in found that their daughter "the supposed to be patient" changed face because she was resting on my bed while I was away to the eye room to see Dr (
).Remember of a lot others who came to visit me and those who wanted to come but couldn't make it due to various reasons but messaged me while I was trying to type with one eye(can never finished that list).
Remember of the joy of discharging home and the chore of doing those eye toilet.
Remember of the first few nights home when there was fresh blood flowing down from the corner of my eyes..... (It was kinda funny, seriously while Mom didn't think so...)
Anyway, one month has F-I-N-A-L-L-Y passed and thank you to everyone who asked/visited/wished for me
. Thank you for all those prayers since like more than a year ago when I first decided for the op and the constant worry (Remember I was kinda like caught in shock when one of my friends actually broke down when I told her about the op and the reason for it). Thank you for all those who talked to me when I was in fear and uncertainty since a year ago, thank you Pei Boon for your little card that you gave. Thank you Kar Mei for the oil that is rich in Vitamin A, C and E. Thank you for those who have shared all my doubts, fear, and worry. And of course of course my Mom, who really really really trying to keep calm but can't hide how much she worried about me. Like what Mong said, I AM a VERY FORTUNATE person and even words cannot describe HOW MUCH I appreciate each and everyone of you who care and showed a lot of concern on my progress. Can N-E-V-E-R thank you all enough.
. Thank you for all those prayers since like more than a year ago when I first decided for the op and the constant worry (Remember I was kinda like caught in shock when one of my friends actually broke down when I told her about the op and the reason for it). Thank you for all those who talked to me when I was in fear and uncertainty since a year ago, thank you Pei Boon for your little card that you gave. Thank you Kar Mei for the oil that is rich in Vitamin A, C and E. Thank you for those who have shared all my doubts, fear, and worry. And of course of course my Mom, who really really really trying to keep calm but can't hide how much she worried about me. Like what Mong said, I AM a VERY FORTUNATE person and even words cannot describe HOW MUCH I appreciate each and everyone of you who care and showed a lot of concern on my progress. Can N-E-V-E-R thank you all enough.愛我的每個人
作詞：姚若龍
作曲：林俊傑
痛 在眼中變成淚 在心中變成灰
沒有什麼能安慰
怕 被時間變成累 被想像變成悲
希望都被粉碎
不安有時會崩潰 有時會怨懟
好像怎麼對待都不對
看得出你隱藏多少的疲憊
卻還是堅持著愛不斷加倍
讓我感動也讓我愧對
謝謝你們 愛我的每個人
在我的人生最像一場惡夢的旅程
陪我掙脫 勇敢地去醒來
當我的護衛 為我禱告心靈更強韌
謝謝你們 愛我的每個人
讓我努力後可以謝謝自己很坦誠
會想不通 或絕望到躲開
但你們做的 總讓我想堅強負責任 為了愛重生
心 擺脫夜的黑 往藍天而飛 被陽光包圍
只為了 你一句我笑得 好美
我忍住了 太漫長的淚
看得出你隱藏多少的疲憊
卻還是堅持著愛不斷地加倍
讓我感動也讓我愧對
Some may think that this song is a little exaggerated, but to me, having to face this and the unknown is already kinda like a nightmare. Having to find the courage to accept the possible scar on such prominent site on my face, gambling the chances of having the nerve damage, living with numbness on the face for the rest of my life versus of being scared by my own reflection in the mirror on the days that I did not have enough rest and risk of cornea damaged in long term...
If you asked me how it is like having not to work...
I guess if I am not learning violin it could be quite bored and pointless, like there is nothing much you can do, living a life with no aim can be quite a torture, but because my teacher knew that I am resting at home, so I cannot be lazy, at least make some practice and show it to her
.
.I will be going back to work soon, the war zone, hopefully things will go well... Everyone is telling me how crazy the war zone is like now. Haiz. Like really so scary...
Oh man!
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