Keep GoingCannot stop.
Just cannot stop, any moment of silence will just somehow become some black hole.
Dark.
Quiet.
Deep.
She is in again.
I was, despite of all the business, tried texting her. So wanted to see her to give her some support but how to when I ended at 9pm with work rushing to complete?
I am not sure if that is appropriate, but I just don't want her to feel alone.
Went over this evening to try my luck to see if I can get to quietly peeped; only to know that she is in ICU.
Wrongly GlorifiedSo I wasn't the only one who felt it that way.
It is just wrong to earn the glory of oneself by sacrificing others.
I was mad at him, for that he took the working time to do things for other clients that doesn't belong to the same department, and because of him doing so, I have to cover his work and in the end, I didn't get to have my dinner break while him, thick skin enough, went for an full hour break.
He earned the credit from the client, and at the same time leaving his shit for me to clear.
But I wasn't the only one who felt it that way, and I only came to know about it when the others are taking about it.
That leads me to think, have I ever done the same thing?
Bet I did.
Which was why back then my boss told me to not spent so much time with the clients, need to balance out and get back to the counter to be seen.
Tough choice.
Certain times, I just feel that they need more time to be spend together with, like I told my previous boss, I couldn't turn my back on someone who broke down in front of me, even though I got a 4 pages long complaint to answer to in the end, my conscience is clear, I did what I have to do, what I feel is right.
Sigh.
2 more days left.
Should I tell her about it, is there a need to explain?
There are certain songs that you only wanted to share with a certain particular friend of yours, those songs, once you shared, you will realise that you can never share it with another person, no matter how good the next person is in the latter part of your life. It seems to have become your label, that the moment you heard it, that person and whatever you have shared will automatically looped in your mind.
From the how you met...
To how close you were and...
How you lost each other in the end.
Tonight on my way home, I heard that song that I dedicated to you.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
《我找你找了好久》—無印良品
可以彼此分享得意驕傲
不擔憂誰的心裏不是味道
可以傳染給你心情不好
連說一個理由都不需要
可以直來直往提醒勸告
就算爭吵都是為對方好
可以和你分享秘密苦惱
不害怕全世界都會知道
我找你找了好久
一個互相了解的朋友
生活有人分享的時候
快樂就變得容易許多
我找你找了好久
一個拿心來換的朋友
傷痛有人抱緊的時候
未來有什麼路不敢走
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
I remember clearly.
You cried, after reading this song in the letter to you.
I don't know what touches you, but that was how I felt that time.
And I didn't noticed then.
This songs, is yours.
I cannot give this to another person after you...
And I don't know why.
Soon after, there was a day you chucked me a letter with this as a reply.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
"It's Your Love"
Dancing in the dark
Middle of the night
Taking your heart
Holding it tight
Emotional touch
Touching my skin
And asking you to do
What you've been doing all over again
Ohhh...
It's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know
What it is that won't let me go
It's your love
Just does something to me
Sends a shot right through me
Can't get enough
So if you wonder
By what spell I am under
It's your love
Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By taking your hand
And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
Now that we are together
I am stronger than ever
I am happy and free
Ohhh...
It's a beautiful thing
Don't think I could keep it all in
If you asked me why I've changed
All I gotta do is say your sweet name
It's your love
Just does something to me
Sends a shot right through me
Can't get enough
So if you wonder
By what spell I am under
It's your love
It's your love.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
This was another song that keep looping in my then mini MP3 and CD player back than.
Half awake, thinking about all that happened over the past 10 days.
Saw the few pictures with Dennis, and realized that how thankful I was for his presence towards the last 2 days.
His presence had made the whole trip a bit better, especially when I am almost on the verge of as good as travelling alone.
And that thought, just bloomed.
No one is obligated to take care of me, only I myself is responsible.
The silliest thing is to rely on others.
I thought about how he caught the cockroach when I freaked out at the restaurant; and how cold was the others in the house even though I told them that I was really having a phobia towards that "little black thing"; but they'd rather talked and played games than to chase it away.
I thought about how he walked down the streets with me; when they cabbing is a daily norm for them.
If it wasn't this trip, I would never know how blessed I was.
That also reveal how vulnerable I could be.
=[
I know it.
Just that all along I have decided to ignore it.
It is a wake up call I supposed.
Time to wake up and face it too on top of this moment of gratitude and appreciation.
I don't know why I keep having to pay for the delay others made.
=S
I need more meditation.
Seriously.
Walk say walking tired; take train say train distance long.
Why not move the world to your doorstep then you can shut up?
Abo can buy yourself a jet plane if not get yourself a Doraemon lah, sure very fast one. *Roll eye ball*
Like never before I can't wait for this to end.
Had a long chat with someone in the end because couldn't hold it anymore. Felt bad about having to tell someone seriously. I don't really want to pour out things like that because all these are negative power, but keeping it longer only make myself feeling worse.
I guess that is all, we can't be friends, colleagues the most here on.
Certain things I thought it is just basic manners, but when it happened time and time again, I can't help but to wonder what was taught to me, was it wrong?
I had all along thought that if you go out with another person, it is the very basic thing to ask to be excused when you need to go to somewhere. To me, that is the basic respect you have because that means that you acknowledged that you came out with some human species and not alone.
I was left alone in the visitor centre when I came out from the restroom which I had clearly told one of them that I need the toilet. It was acknowledged.
You know how it feels to come out and not to find anyone? The thing is, you are not sure if you are to head in to search for them, or to wait there.
Is it THAT difficult to just drop a word? I really wonder. Just push open the door in the ladies and said "Babe we go in first later you catch up with us." Is that sentence so tough to say???
What upsets me even more is that when I finally found them at some corner of the park, one of them actually asked, "you finished applying your sunblock?"
That moment I really feel like slapping her across the face. What is that sarcasm all about? You think you are very cool? Very witty?
Besides how ill mannered you are I don't see anywhere you are more superior than I do.
Decided not to degrade myself to her level. I just told her that no, I wasn't doing the sunblock.
I really do not want to be so critical. Why should I even waste my time and breathe to explain to people like that. Moreover, may be in another way, I should thank God for letting me knowing such a person, certain behaviour to me it is just very 難頂, and I had not realised that previously. I have to watch myself to not to commit the same thing in the future.
There are more things that I saw in this trip. Things that I have had been taking for granted and how certain people has been tolerating me, which I should be more appreciative. And the reason why I feel that there should still be a distance in between and why we can only be a little more than colleague, not exactly friends.
Bottomline: I need to be more selective with travel partners here on, seriously. Now I am facing another bigger problem — the connection flights which we were supposed to have was not booked. And the thing is that we have everything else planned. Friends that I have to meet etc and stuff like that. *Frown* now I have to apologise for people who are trying to make time for me but I have to fail them on that.
Saw a really beautiful Crepuscular Ray this morning as I was leaving Melbourne City, it is exceptionally beautiful because those Rays are mostly noted only when with camera, I have only seen it with naked eyes once when I was in Taiwan Jiu Fen, and it was kinda dim. This one I saw in the morning, it was seen with naked eyes, so bright and honestly, it was breath-taking.
As if it wasn't enough, there was a huge rainbow on the way to the Great Ocean Road. And everyone else's on the bus were sleeping, so I was the only one who witness that.
Praise the Lord.
Thank you, for giving me such beautiful scene, though I wasn't able to catch with my camera, it was great enough. Because the most beautiful scene has already been captured in my mind.
=]
Here, shall leave with a picture taken from the 12 apostles.
And I am hoping to see the Milky Way tonight as I did when I was in Lake District.
I do this too if I hadn't seen you for long.
Sometimes, I do feel some kind of attachments to cats.
*Chuckles*.
I do feel that some of the behaviours the cats has I found them on me.
Silly?
Lol.
Well.
Cats only likes to be with people that they love, other beings they would just ignore.
Me too.
I wouldn't be bothered if I don't like you.
Cats will let the person that they love or comfortable with to touch their bellies, they would just get to them, and drop on the floor exposing their tummies asking for pat.
Lol.
I can't say me too but I know if I love or comfortable you, there wouldn't be anything that I would hide. I would let you see the weakest part of mine.
But be aware.
Cats ain't claw-less, they still do bite and scratch if you provoke them, though most of the time, they couldn't be bothered about you.
Me too.
Don't disturb my serenity otherwise I would let you regret. Otherwise things that I am not interested, people that I don't like, so long as you don't disturb my peace, I won't bite you.
Either overslept the whole day because of the anti histamine or I am just nervous.
Again going around in the house since 7pm last night, thinking of what to pack. A little worried, a little concerned, wonder if it is because this is a new place I am going to especially travelling with considerably strangers.
Well, how shall I put it?
May be I am just bad at handling new people, as in, I am not saying Cheryl is not nice, she is, practically everybody's friend.
But also, probably because you feel that you cannot reach the real her that is why it is a little uneasy.
Moreover this is like a 10 days trip, have I been away with friends that long? Oh well, HK excluded, that is still my hometown with familiar faces.
That was added on with the group I am going with.
Well, but everything has a start right?
Still, I think I could be a little more at ease and happier if it is the familiar faces that I have travelled with before, especially on a considerably long trip like this.
Is it me or is it when one gets older it is just more unsettling to meet new people?
I don't know.
And I noticed something about myself the other day, that if I am with a group of unfamiliar people, I would prefer to sit at one corner to see how people interact, what are they doing, studying their body language.
Like how I did it in high school.
It is actually kind of interesting.
Yup, I caught something the other day when I met up with these 2 new people, still trying to validate whether what I know is true or not, I will continue to see if it is heading to what I am seeing/guessing. *Grinz*
And to sit and observed the world actually is very interesting, the moment when you quieten down and read, there is a lot of details that you can see.
=]
Sounded nerdy?
*Shrug*
Try one day to go out with bunch of new people and observe, then later find out if what you see is correct, you will get what I mean.
Haiz.
If only this is going to be the Peru/Bolivia trip which I have been really really R~E~A~L~L~Y LONGED for.
How long more have I got to wait?
He will come down to our level to make sure that we understand what He wanted us to know.
There were still some sort of resentment there, I know but I was and have been trying to brush it aside by minimizing contact and even mentioning that name.
But it just keep coming like some kind of nightmare that I couldn't shake off.
The more that I was reminded, that uncomfortable feelings just added on.
And the more that I do not want to see or hear weirdly that I would run into that particular person, and have something that need to deal with that.
Plus the recent incident which I couldn't understand why "it" has to be like that and I told Hao about it. Even though she agree with me that what happened is "weird", getting upset is normal and both that parties have their part to play, there wasn't much that she could do.
That day, I was told...
Do not let resentment lead my life, because by reacting to it, it will only make me more miserable.
True indeed.
That also said.
"Leave it to Him, for he is working on it ahead of me. Do not let destroyer to destroy my peace. He will restore my soul, and followed by restoring everything around me."
My Twin has always been a happy person, well, on surface at least, I hardly see her angry.
It is hard not to notice her presence if she is working. Like one moment you hear "Harlow Harlow Harlow" came out from the store room, next you hear it in the prep room.
And before you know, you lost balance when you are standing because she jab your knee from the back, and before you turn back to say what the heck she has already hailed her way down the corridor like 50miles away leaving her laughter.
How can someone be so energetic all the time?
I do wonder.
May be, it is the simple happiness that she is living on.
Like...
The latest saga: a bunch of 3 mini bananas.
(￣ー￣)
Yesh.
You didn't see it wrongly, neither did I typed it wrongly.
It was 3 mini bananas.
It was given to her by one of our colleagues, and she turned them to 3 characters and even named them.
BanaGene; BaNandy; and BanArif.
Then she started creating stories of them.
You should see how she was giggling to herself today as she was posting something about BaNandy.
To think someone actually kept that banana and to create stories on it.
Some might think that she has nothing better to do, but in a way, she is giving us another form of entertainment that bring some lights to others.
I love flowers.
I love pink.
I'm dainty and dirty; not a trace.
I party till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm a girl. And a beautiful one too.
The DIVA ♥
M A R I A ( N A D I A H )
M A R I A M ( F I O N E )
The GAMBLER Sagittarius.
AND
The PERFECTIONIST Virgo.
Seemingly impossible. BUT THEY WERE THE BEST FRIENDS.
Met in a Summer in 2002.
♥ LOVES CATS ♥.
Enjoys having Pizza together.
Go Wild in a KTV.
And will LOVE each other till time ends.
WISHLIST ♥
F O R M A R I A. A DEGREE.
F O R M A R I A M. Machu Picchu.
HER AUDIENCES ♥
They applauded her and gave her a standing ovation.
