Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Friends Become Unfriend.
It wasn't an intentional finding.
My so called "Twin" unfriended me on the social media platform.
How should I put it...
Upset?
Not really.
Relief?
Not so too.
May be...
I see it coming.
Always find that we got so called "closed" too soon.
And...
It is just hard to describe that, may be I should just call it a "gut" feeling.
Mong ever commented, in the very initial stage of our friendship, that we got too close too soon, and she just felt...
Off?
Weird?
Not right?
Uh-huh.
Probably that word would be the most suitable one in my very limited vocabulary.
I have never felt that with Mong and Fad, honestly.
But to her, the "Twin", I always felt that sense of insecurity, because I cannot feel her heart I should say?
Yes.
She is very jovial.
May be a little too jovial.
People of that sort I would always be wary of, for they can say all the good things in front of you but the moment they turned around you know they are speaking bad about you. I JUST HAD THAT GUT FEELING.
Relatively sure that she has been doing that with her "golden triangle" I know of their chat group and I roughly know what they have been talking about.
May be I am just too old school.
I guess...
「道不同不相為謀。」
I am not asking for identical, but at least the same ideation.
I don't like to gossip, that is the only thing that I can conclude.
As for...
Whether I am upset or hurt...
I would be lying if I say I am not affected.
However, if this is a chance for me...
I would say...
God.
Thank you for your guidance.
I know, it is a form of you protecting me.
Thank you.
And...
Amen.
And then again...
No matter what...
Thank you, for you have also once made me happy.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [1:32 AM]
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
FML
Seriously.
What kind of chances it can be, for someone who went on a single eight-day holidays to run into all of the below?
- Near collapsed case on board.
- Passport missing scares x 2.
- Car accidents x 2.
- Cab uncles fighting.
As if not enough, now come back with a suspected fracture on the site that was knocked during the car accident.
I didn't dare to tell my parents yet, for I am afraid they would get really upset with my friend who was driving at the time of both the accidents.
I didn't want to tell my friend that for I do not want her to feel guilty about it plus, the diagnosis is not confirmed even though they are suspecting it.
FML seriously.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [12:49 AM]
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Values DifferencesSometimes...
I wonder...
How did people's value changed SO MUCH overtime?
How long have I not see her?
Am I just not suitable to be with people?
I don't know.
But this trip, I am seeing so much gaps between us, like... Things has changed a lot, in her and in me.
A bit hard to digest the fact.
Like...
I don't know if I should continue further.
She would insist on her point and do not want to listen to what I have to say, and...
SIGH.
I wonder if the problem really lies in me and if...
I am really very critical.
I have kept a lot of comments inside, because honestly, not every moment a comment is wanted for her and it is the same goes for me.
May be I should just stop seeing anyone, it gets really very tiring.
=(
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [9:52 PM]
Sunday, September 13, 2015
So...So...
I asked her.
Can't hold it anyway...
Didn't say much, just said "still can manage".
So... I got it right again?
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [10:24 PM]
Frowned
Shampoo.
Everytime when I wash my hair I will think of you.
You are the only one that can tell every single one of the shampoo that I used and without fail you will always get it right. You are simply amazing.
Missed those time you trying to get close just to guess what was it that I was using.
Hate it when my gut feeling is darn right.
But it is something that kept me relatively safe all these years, not to say that things always go wrong when I choose to ignore that.
I see the problem.
Question being...
Should I talk to her about it?
How and where should I start?
She probably couldn't care much but...
I don't believe that she is such a person.
It is glaring at me.
I know exactly where and what went wrong.
I also know it has nothing to do with me.
Should I?
Or should I not?
Emo.
It is getting really hard to control.
Slowly realized that...
I am really not a people person.
Group gatherings sometimes really put me off, especially not everyone in the group you like.
Anything more than 2 or 3 max is too much for me to handle.
Seriously, I so so so wanted to turn around and head home that night, just to speak to myself and get some peace.
群居的生活果然不適合我...
Sigh.
That only goes to conclude one thing...
I need my pit hole back!!!! =[
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [3:03 AM]
Wednesday, September 09, 2015
「一個願打，一個願捱」A mother went to take care of her grandson, moved to the son's house and did all the dirty job. The son is highly educated, held a prestigious job while the mother had only secondary education. Whenever the son's friends came or when the in-laws came over, the mother quietly choose to hide in the room or walked behind the family. And most of the time when the infant is asleep, the mother will stay in the room the son prepared for her. In order to provide a quiet environment for the newborn, the mother didn't even dare to switch on the television even though she is bored. She had rejected all phone calls as she is worried that talking on the phone will frighten the young soul.
Other people heard the story feels injustice for the mother. Why is the son treating the mother like a chamber maid? The mother however did not say a word and continue her life as such.
＊＊＊
A girl who had her groom who came from another country ran away just a day before the marriage. When found, he spit tonnes of nasty words to her, telling her how much he detested to be in this country. When the girl calmly accepted the fact and willing to send this man back home by getting the ticket for the first flight on the following day according to the country's law, she was railed at by the man's family member that she did not give him the chance to look for a job in this country which is definitely a crime by doing so. The girl hold on to her decision, until the moment the man were at the boarding gate being casted out of the country, he broke down and begged the girl to let him stay and he will marry her. The girl forgiven him for leaving the mess for her, married him on the next available date.
Friends of the girl felt that she should not have gotten together with this man given the story that was told, but the girl insisted and said that she will try her best to "make things work".
＊＊＊
A girl was being hit by her boyfriend, just because he felt like it. He pulled her hair and hit her at the tummy.
It wasn't the first time and the girl decided for breakup. The boy, of course beg for forgiveness, and the girl is contemplating even though she knows that she could just walk out as there is no string attached.
Friends of the girl wanted her to consider because if things like that she could tolerate for now, how about her children in future? And by forgiven once again will that guarantee it won't happened like every other time he promised?
＊＊＊
A girl was always told that she should not keep disturbing her friends because it can become a pain and people would feel burdensome and stressful to be with her, especially when the other party is attached. She dare not call on her friends, no matter how close, how much she missed them, or how much she needed to talk to someone about her woes.
Her best friend came to know about it, was deeply upset by the distant drawn by the girl and finally, a day they trashed out everything and the best friend told the girl that it was wrong of her doing that and she didn't find her bothersome at all. There are comments by other mutual friends saying that the girl is too clingy and the friendship is abnormal. But the best friend knew her friend well enough that it is not what others have presumed, choose to trust her friend that what they had, is just plantonic close friends, like sisters.
＊＊＊
That many stories.
I realised that...
Any form of relationship, be it kinship, friendship, or lovers; it is always 一個願打，一個願捱. It is never a one person thing and not for others to comment and judge what kind of relationship one is experiencing and sharing. So long as both parties are happy and willing, the "mute mode" can be switched on.
^^.
謝謝願意跟我捱的人。
謝謝你。
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [9:57 PM]
Sunday, September 06, 2015
ScentCertain scent will remind me of something at times.
Like tonight on bus, I suddenly smell something, it is indescribable but it gave me a sense of familiarity that...
I thought I am in Hong Kong near Shinho Centre.
My heart skipped a beat.
It is a sense of closeness.
A sense of familiarity.
A sense of belonging.
A sense of nostalgia.
Wish the reality that I am not there doesn't strike so soon.
Oh well...
Sometimes I wonder, should I just give up on what I am doing and just go back for any job that can support me?
What is more important?
I don't know.
Sigh.
Slipping again, fluctuating since last week.
Something I wish I would never slip into.
*Frown*
Need to keep check, keep reminding and keep praying.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [10:35 PM]
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
悶。悶。
It was just a random feeling.
Turmoil.
Sigh.
Period.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [8:22 PM]
Peace Out, Literally "OUT"Bomb dropped.
*Fullstop*.
-Sigh-
Sometimes...
I'd rather just shut their trap.
It has nothing to do with you in the first place, who the f**king hell you think you are? You think by saying things like that make you humorous?
Sorry.
Wrong button pressed.
Shut the toot up seriously.
That is why I am SO reluctant to come back.
it's
.beaNie 豆豆 again at [5:49 AM]
