或許我們的友誼只該封存於回憶
像對我這麼一個普通人而言,高考應該已是一輩子最難熬的試。一來,要背記的知識過於龐雜;二來,這關乎我一生的成敗,心理壓力常令我抓狂。所慶幸的是,在那個時期,我至少還有三個忠實的戰友。
想當年,我們上課一起睡覺,下課一起趕去補習。在考試前席,我們組成了溫習小組,每天互相分享最新的補習資料;大清早便一起去自修室外排長龍;溫完就散步至必須分散的十字路口。我們還約定了,要考上同一所大學,讀同樣的科。總之就是友誼萬歲。
後來,他們三個都上大學了,而我,讀了政府推舉、廣告吹噓,而社會卻看不起的副學士。初時,我們還約出來吃飯唱k吹水,私下也有互吐心事。但後來,他們想更深入體驗大學生活,參加了Ocamp、住了Hall、上了莊 (1),生活圈子越來越大。而我,只覺自己進了一個困獸場,開展了自己的新戰鬥──Projects and other projects。
漸漸地,我們走上了人生的十字路口。難得約到重聚了,也總有一個人缺席。相聚時他們聊起大學生活,會聊得興高采烈,而我聽著一堆陌生的大學術語,往往只有滿心的羨慕和失落。就算私底聯絡,說的話也越來越門面,寒暄問暖,漸而不相往來。甚懷念,那段無話不說的青春。
隔了數年,我這才發現,我們感到孤單,不是因為沒有人理會,而是因為我們重視的人,不再理會自己。或許,是我把他們看得太重;又或許,是我把自己在他們心中的地位看得太重。不過,我還是很重視他們,想和他們重新「回到過去」,但有些事,有些情,一回首,盡是離愁。
或許,我們的友誼只該封存於回憶。
注:(1) Ocamp即開學前的新生營;住Hall即住宿舍;上莊即當了某大學學會的幹事。
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I can't agree more.
Sometimes, as life moves on, things are just lost along the way without even you realizing how or even when you lose it.
If you think it worth the catch, do everything you can to salvage it, even if ultimately you didn't managed to keep it, but you can tell yourself...
AT LEAST you have tried.
I can answer to myself well at the end of the day.
In life, very often we have lost the diamond while busy collecting stones; yet it is difficult to define who is gem who is stone.
In a way... A person's gem may be another one's stone.
But...
I do agree that sometimes, it is an expectation mismatch, probably one just over estimated their own importance in the other's heart. Then again I guessed all these can be felt by the heart, from what you gather from the other person's non-verbal cues.
I hope, my feelings are not wrong.
