Tired... Physically and emotionally. Basically I guess it's because my body is not really ready to get back to work, that is why for the first three days I always feel very painful when I walk because in A & E we are fighting against time but I just have to bear with it because I have to behave professionally. You would never know, sometimes things just changed in the next second, everyone have to react really fast, being blur is the major killer inside A & E.
Another thing is that we are dealing with life and death, real life and death. I just saw an old granny passed away in front of my eyes a few days ago, you know, you just can't help but to feel bad because a couple of minutes ago, this person is still in front of you and you are doing everything you can to save that person's life and now what you are facing is a corpse, but luckily, in this case, the family is not THAT upset when they got the news because I think they are more mentally prepared. However, today...
This morning when we report to work, the staff nurse told us that there is this guy who met an accident, he is not very much older than me and he did not make it after much was being done, they really did a lot of things man~~~
Later in the day I was working in the resuscitation room and I walked past the door inside the room, the door was not even open, LOOK, THE DOOR OF THE RESUS ROOM IS CLOSED, and I heard a horrifying scream from outside the door, a scream that sounded like "I cannot accept this, why is this happening", it was a scream filled with grief, hopelessness. I almost cried instantly when I saw that. Even my colleage who are not near the door who are deep inside the resus room can hear the scream...
I can't say I am not affected by this, especially when I saw the person's condition physically when the coroner came, I can understand why was the relative so upset about him, it was not only bad.. ok.. he is in REAL BAD shape, I cannot tell much here.. But I could feel how heart broken the mother is, that leads me to think, if anything really happens to me or my brother, my mom would probably scream louder than that lady because during my hospital stay, I can feel the heartache coming from my mother.
*Sigh*
Another thing is that we are dealing with life and death, real life and death. I just saw an old granny passed away in front of my eyes a few days ago, you know, you just can't help but to feel bad because a couple of minutes ago, this person is still in front of you and you are doing everything you can to save that person's life and now what you are facing is a corpse, but luckily, in this case, the family is not THAT upset when they got the news because I think they are more mentally prepared. However, today...
This morning when we report to work, the staff nurse told us that there is this guy who met an accident, he is not very much older than me and he did not make it after much was being done, they really did a lot of things man~~~
Later in the day I was working in the resuscitation room and I walked past the door inside the room, the door was not even open, LOOK, THE DOOR OF THE RESUS ROOM IS CLOSED, and I heard a horrifying scream from outside the door, a scream that sounded like "I cannot accept this, why is this happening", it was a scream filled with grief, hopelessness. I almost cried instantly when I saw that. Even my colleage who are not near the door who are deep inside the resus room can hear the scream...
I can't say I am not affected by this, especially when I saw the person's condition physically when the coroner came, I can understand why was the relative so upset about him, it was not only bad.. ok.. he is in REAL BAD shape, I cannot tell much here.. But I could feel how heart broken the mother is, that leads me to think, if anything really happens to me or my brother, my mom would probably scream louder than that lady because during my hospital stay, I can feel the heartache coming from my mother.
*Sigh*
